think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
