i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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