Whoa Z and x make the same sound
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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