Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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