Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
