you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
