you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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