Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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