I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
