I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
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Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
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i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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