U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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