So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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