the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the condom got lost in my hair
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
