It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I got inside last night via doggy door
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
