my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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