I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
