he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
