I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
