I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
