3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
NoShamevember. You game?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
