I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
