I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
