New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
