One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
