party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Randomize
