we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
