before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
