You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
