You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
