TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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