Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
