but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
