I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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