Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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