He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
