Buhtt sex?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
