You smell like stripper and shame
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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