maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
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How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
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Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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