DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
