I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
