It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
why is half of my head shaved?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
