I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
