It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
