i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.