She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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