This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more