I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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