i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.