i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.