She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.