hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
That's how pantless uber rides happen