life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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