I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize