just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
