I think I died a long time ago.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
