I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
