if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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