Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
