She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize