and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
