y did u give ur computer a hand job?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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