I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
