Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
