You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
