I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
