I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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