I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
