I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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