I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
