i would punch a child for taco bell
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
