I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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