i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
