...so i touched it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
