I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
