it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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