Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
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Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
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I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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