Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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