just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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