dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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