we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
