It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
