So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
