btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
