why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
