Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You were trust falling into bushes
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
