Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
