I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
