and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
